Anxiety can make people feel physically and mentally exhausted. I’m sharing a few of my personal experiences with this to help people better understand what anxiety exhaustion can feel like. And to let those struggling know they are not alone.

Exhaustion from anxiety impacts everyone differently. These are just a few examples of how it impacted me.

The Exhaustion of Social Anxiety

This entry was written in 2019 from my personal struggle with anxiety.

Working from home while struggling with mental health is both a blessing and a challenge. I’m very privileged because I’m able to take mental health days when I need them, but I’m also very challenged to motivate myself, manage my own time, and push myself to get out of the house.

Struggling to Leave the House

Occasionally, I get into an anxious funk of not wanting to go anywhere. If I don’t leave the house for a few days in a row, I start wanting to just stay inside in my safe place.

But losing that motivation to get out of the house and interact with others (yes, even if it’s just a barista) can actually make my anxiety worse. As introverted as I am, I still need some human interaction.

Scared of Small Talk

BUT on the flip side of this…..social interaction that exceeds five minutes + with people I don’t know very well causes me anxiety. Small talk is painful for me.

I have this fear of running out of things to talk about with new people, awkward silences, and talking about myself too much. I tend to feel lonely in large groups of people. I feel like everyone is having fun and socializing except for me…..struggling to just stay in the room.

Large groups of people and loud noises tend to make me want to shut down. In loud large gatherings I tend to enter a daze where my mind shuts down and while I may be physically present I’m far from mentally present. My mind feels cloudy & my thoughts are foggy. It makes keeping conversations alive even more difficult.

Last night I pushed myself to get out of the house and attend a social event. I’d met a few of the people before, but didn’t know them well. It was a casual social + dinner event, but I felt like I was struggling to find things in common and relate.

After those four hours I was anxious, my lips were chapped, the hang nails on my fingers were picked, and I was exhausted. I felt like I’d just run a marathon….but no it was just a simple social interaction. And it didn’t end there.

Laying in Bed Replaying Conversations

That night I laid in my bed replaying conversations in my head…Could I have contributed to the conversation more? Why did I say that? Did I sound dumb? They probably think I’m a failure. Instead I tried to remind myself, you did it. You went. You survived. But the anxious thoughts kept winning.

So I’m in this weird place of trying to balance wanting to be around people, but not? For me, a lot of balancing my social anxiety has to do with being around the right people. And that’s tricky because we moved less than a year ago and don’t know a lot of people yet.

In Nashville & Dallas I had my people who I felt safe and comfortable with. Who would engage in deep conversation and not surface level blah. Who preferred smaller groups and nights in. Who knew I struggled with anxiety. Who I could cry with and not feel pressured to smile and act like my shit is in order.

And I know that will take time and patience to find here in Seattle. But it’s another battle I have to fight with my anxiety. Pushing through those social barriers and overcoming those feelings of self doubt.

I’m writing all this for a few reasons. 1) If you feel lonely and struggle with social interactions from anxiety. You’re not alone. A lot of us anxious souls do. 2) I’m writing this conscious stream of thoughts trying to convince myself that last night was a win because I went. I didn’t cancel my plans. I didn’t leave early. I went and I survived.

And that is an accomplishment. Celebrating the little victories and winning little daily wars against my anxious minds is something I’ve been trying to recognize. So take that and celebrate the small victories today!

Feeling Exhausted from Anxiety

This entry was written from my person experience in March 2019.

Does anyone else ever have those days where the world just throws too much at you and you want to curl up in bed and cry? I’ve had a few of them recently.

Anxiety Takes Control & Shuts Me Down

Days where the anxiety takes over me and I enter shutdown mode. I can’t think. I can’t be present. I can’t be productive. But I can physically feel the anxiety weighing down on me.

Our little puppy dog has been sick for about a month and with multiple vet visits, waking up in the night with him, and having to take days off work to sit at the vet only to receive no answers….I’ve been struggling.

I’ve fallen behind on work. I’m a sleep deprived mess. AND I haven’t been practicing adequate self care.

Anxiety is more than being physically tired. It’s complete exhaustion of the mind and body.

The other night our puppy, Jimmie, woke up with a coughing fit. I got up with him to pet him, get him some water, and try to calm him down. As he was struggling, I went into anxiety shutdown mode.

I wanted to be present and be there to calm him down, but instead I was stuck in a place where all I could do was collapse and cry. Too many sleepless nights. Too many unanswered questions. Too tired from physically feeling pain when I see him suffering for so long.

Too exhausted from not knowing what to do to ease his pain. And when I finally come out of shutdown mode….then I enter into a self-loathing state where I beat myself up for not being present during someone else’s struggle, not being able to help calm my puppy, for being selfish and getting caught up in my own anxious mind, and for not doing more.

During the day it’s a constant exhaustion. Not the kind that can be fixed with coffee. It’s like living in a blur. I can’t focus. I can’t create. I can’t find inspiration. I can’t get anything done. And I continue beat myself up for not being productive. It’s an endless cycle.

I put my anxious struggles into words, not for sympathy, but to share that struggling is real. And it’s okay. We are human. There are going to be hard days, weeks…or even months, but you’re not struggling alone. Just a friendly reminder.

Feeling Unproductive from Anxiety

This entry was written in 2017 based on my personal anxious days as a working college student.

I'd planned on being productive today, but it didn't happen. I was going to get up, make coffee, and do my homework, finish it all. I got up, made coffee, but the mountain of homework is taunting me.

Unable to Focus

I've been up since 7:00am with a knot in the pit of a stomach. I'm drained. Exhausted from constantly being anxious the past two days. I can't focus. I tried to read the chapter. I tried to answer the questions.

My mind isn't in the right place. I can't process the material with so many anxious thoughts swirling around in my head and this uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I tried to take a nap to gain back my focus, but I was not able to fall asleep. Not feeling like this. Not with all the work I need to get done. I wish my teachers understood. Some days I can't.

When You Just Can’t Function Because of Anxiety

This entry was written in 2018 based on my personal anxious days as a working college student.

We've all said it. I can't. The phrase has recently become trendy between young adults when talking about going to class or someone you're not fond of. Common responses include I can't, I just can't, or I can't even.

All joking aside, moments when you just can't are real. When living with anxiety there are days I REALLY, both physically and mentally, can't get up to go to class or work.

There are days I seriously can't study because my mind is so anxious running at 500 miles per hour, my heart is beating fast, and I have a pounding headache. No matter how many times I reread the same page, I still won't process the information because my mind just can't.

There are days my anxiety makes me so anxious I am physically exhausted. Maybe I was up all night tossing and turning....maybe I got a full eight hours of sleep and am still struggling because of the physical effects anxiety takes on your body.

Both of these happen quite frequently. There are days when ALL I want to do is sleep. I just can't get out of bed.

Some people call this laziness, but it's not. This runs deeper than laziness. Anxiety can be a physical feeling of exhaustion that can prevent your mental productivity. On these days, if I do end up getting out of bed, I feel like a zombie walking through the day with my mind in a fog.

The exhaustion makes me incredibly unproductive and I end up getting frustrated with myself because I can't get anything done and I can't go home to go to sleep.

As a college student, days like these definitely effected my grades. Try taking a test on a "Just Can't" day. I'll tell you it's a recipe for disaster.

It's something you don't want to discuss with your professor or your boss because you fear they might not understand. It's a tricky situation, but mental health does have the ability to take a toll on your productivity.

Tired from Anxiety

This was a journal entry from 2017 of how tired I was from anxiety.

12:04AM

As I lay in bed staring into darkness, it doesn't matter what I do I can't go to sleep. Absolutely exhausted from not sleeping the past three nights, my eyes are closing, but my mind won't shut off.

Take deep breathes. Listen to soothing music. Watch a show to take your mind off things. I tried it all. I'm starting to feel frustrated with myself.

Frustrated that I can't turn off my thoughts and go to sleep. Frustrated knowing that I will face another day of pure exhaustion with a lack of productivity. At least I have the day off work tomorrow....

10:38AM

What was supposed to be a productive day has gotten off to a slow start. I'm sitting here sipping my coffee with a pounding headache. Feeling beat while the day is just beginning. I was going to use my day off to catch up on summer school, write, relax, and get ahead, but I can't.

My eyes are weak and my focus is shot. No amount of coffee is going to wake me up today. But I can't go back to sleep because I know I will just be bothered with thoughts from all the tasks I should be doing. While I do look forward to getting back into bed tonight...I know that it will probably be another night of stressful sleeplessness.

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